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Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Hate For The Healthy

Dan from Michigan State

I hate all the Non-Smoking Nazis in this country. I’m okay with bans on smoking in public buildings and such; I can go outside, no big deal. But then you assholes come out of the building and bitch at me because I’m smoking near where you want to walk. Don’t come at me with your idiot complaints and remarks. Next time you come up to me and tell me “That really smells great, thanks a lot.”, and then look at me like I’m the scum of the earth for fouling up your air, I’m just going to say “You’re welcome.”, and then blow a big puff of smoke right in your ugly, self-righteous face. Are you honestly complaining about having to deal with a mildly offensive odor for a brief period of time, or do you somehow believe that the tiny amount of smoke you inhale as you pass by is going to kill you? I know smoking causes cancer and all, but the amount of smoke you manage to inhale before the wind blows the rest away will, in your entire lifetime, add up to like two cigarettes, at most. And if you don’t want to deal with second hand smoke in a restaurant or bar, then you choose a non-smoking venue, you don’t have to make it so every bar and restaurant is non-smoking by law; I like a cigarette with my beer damn it! Why the bloody fuck should non-smokers get every bar in town? And don’t walk up to me on the street and tell me how unhealthy it is. I have that information already, and if it didn’t keep me from buying my first pack, how the hell do you think it's going make me stop. I like my deadly carcinogens, thank you, and I’ll quit when I fucking feel like it.

True Fact #1: Nicotine is more addictive than heroin.
True Fact #2: The goons are possibily the most annoying people on the Earth.

Hate For Imaginary Creatures

Graham D. from Brooklyn

I FUCKING HATE CAVE TROLLS! Just because they're the size of a small house doesn't mean that they're any better than the rest of us! They go around smashing shit for no reason, eating people, and having intercourse with animals. IT'S UNACCEPTABLE! Not only are they obnoxious but they're stupid. Most of them probably don't even know their own names. The other day I was just walking down furman street and one of them comes along and throws over someone's car with them inside it for no reason. Maybe he was having a bad day? Maybe cave trolls are just assholes! The entire world would be a better place if cave trolls just stopped killing people, stopped fucking cows, and left us alone! Go back to your mountains where you're wanted, you freaks!

Get laid much?

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Hate For The Comfortable

Jamie B. from the University of Redlands

I hate the fucking assholes who recline all throughout an 8 hour flight. As soon as the plane is going down the runway you shove your seat as far back as it can go and sit there with your headrest shoved into my face. Then you proceed to sit there reading your shitty book or listening to shitty music turned up so loud that I can hear it. You never actually sleep, but make lots of groaning noises and yawn a lot. How do I know this? Because I am actually sitting halfway upright and your stupid ass is lying on your seat like it's a bed. If you really need to recline this much buy a seat in first class you stupid fuck. Oh how I wish I could make your seat snap back to its upright position and catapult your douchebag head into the seat in front of you. You don't even put your seat upright during meals you fucking cunt rag, when the flight attendant asks you to you groan and slowly put your seat halfway up, once she leaves you put it back down, at least not all the way so you can still reach your food, but your headrest is fucking smashed into my food you asshat. Then when the meal is gone I jam my knees into your seat so you cant fucking recline into my lap again and you fucking bang the seat backwards to try and get it to recline. Fuck you stupid fucking douche nozzle you fucking piece of shit, next time I have to sit behind one of you fuckers I'm going to switch seats with a little baby who will cry and kick the back of your seat the whole time. How about that, asshole? Think about that as you lie back in your seat, making the person behind you consider the best way to stab you in the head with the flimsy plastic knife on the meal tray. I really fucking hate you!!!

Whatever, that food sucks anyway. I basically did you a favor.

Hate For The Thrifty

Amanda K. from Pitt

I hate the fuckers who refuse to spend money on soda at restaurants and ask for a water cup instead but then still get soda--you have screwed us all over. I don't drink soda, I actually get the water. But due to you lying cheap-ass bastards, I have to get a cup about the size of a thimble for my water. I want a big fucking glass. But no, I am forced to drink out of something that might as well be my little sister's Barbie's glass because the stores need a way to manage people like you. Please start paying the fucking 2 bucks, get the damn soda, and let me get a big glass; I'm thirsty!

Hey, I aint about to pay a whole dollar for costs them, like, 2 cents to make.

Hate For Wiggers

Katie Y. from New York

I hate people who think they're 'ghetto.' First off, ghetto is not an adjective. And also, if you have to be bragging about how ghetto you are, you probably aren't very ghetto at all. My school is a fabulous example of this. I go to school in wonderful Westchester, NY, preppy-people capital of America. And they all think they're black. These are white Jewish kids from Westchester who think that exercise is walking the whole block to the Starbucks, wearing not one but TWO pop-collar pastel polo shirts and talking on their Sidekick the whole time. And they think they're ghetto. It drives me insane. You know who you are.

But don't all thugged-out black guys drive Jettas?