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Thursday, January 19, 2006

Hate For Kids

Joe P. from the Working World

My pet peeve are the young girls who came through the line where I used to work, with blank eyes and no sense of humor; walking billfolds, bulging at the seams, with I.O.U.'s for heart and mind alike. I used to work at Starbucks at the Mall of America. It's the cathedral for America's religion of consumerism. And God help me if most of the people who came into my store weren't complete fucking retards. First off, YES, we have those "blended coffee thingys" and YES, you can get yours with "like, a ton of caramel." Second, you looked to be about 11 years old, yet are wearing nicer clothes than I, who works two jobs and wouldn't think of spending four dollars on a drink that consists of corn syrup and sugar, made with pure hate. Third, how DUMB are you to actually pay for this crap? I wouldn't pay FOUR DOLLARS for this unless I had a gun to my back, which, come to think of it, I do anyway. If you want to be treated like a grown-up, get some tea. Or, better yet, start drinking black coffee. And smoking Camel Non-Filtered. And get a job at a bus depot, or better yet, a taxi garage, scraping cum off the back seats. And THEN, MAYBE THEN, I'll treat you like a fucking adult. Do you want to know what you are? You are a walking, talking doll, and accessory for your parents to dress up and discipline. I find it hard to believe that you'll one day be recognized as a functioning adult capable of breeding and (God forbid) voting. This explains why Bush got a second term, and it also explains why I FUCKING HATE YOU.

You're going to be a great dad someday.

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i work for starbucks now, and fully sympathise with your plight. every day we get about 500 stupid high school girls that come in, and before they even walk in the door, i know exactly what they're going to order because all they ever get are those disgusting blended beverages.
the only thing that i find more obnoxious than the high school kids is when prissy college girls act that way. especially the ones from southern california (can anyone say USC?)

11:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

University of Florida, intro to Finance class.. project is to pick a publicly traded stock, monitor it for the entire semester, gather other information, etc etc. Anyways, only one person in the class is allowed each stock, and this one girl walks to the prof with her stock paper in right hand, and a cup of starbucks. He tells her "I'm sorry, Starbucks is already taken." She gets this look of horror on her face and is "BUt, like, you don't understand, like, I'm addicted to this stuff! Like seriously!" She holds up the cup at him and he shakes his head.

I hate people who say "I love coffee" but when posed with black coffee, they get this look of utter disgust. "Coffee? Without creamer, caramel, sugar, Indonesian cider, whiskey, and whip cream on top? WTF is this???"

It's coffee, mother fuckers, get used to it. Black coffee is the way to go. Black coffee is symbolic of life: it tastes kinda rough on the whole, but the energy it gives you is well worth it. No sugar-coating it for the babies out there.

Anyways, all you specialty coffee drinkers (java mocha fucka, fuckappacino, etc) eat SHIT and i hope you get fat from all the extra carbs and calories you take from specialty styles/

10:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

right the fuck on.
coffee isnt coffee if its been tainted and polluted with sugars and preservatives. how a person takes their coffee says something very telling about their character. i prefer not to associate myself with people who dont drink coffee as it was meant to be served.
ive encountered people who drink their coffee as if it was kool-aid. they adhere to the philosophy that more sugar makes better coffee. and every time i witness this, i want to amputate their tongue so they cant taste the pure sissiness that they are pouring down their throats.
coffee should not be served in any other manner but black.

6:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

most starbucks regulars, like myself, will freely admit to being corporate whores. that being said, our choice of caffeinated beverages hardly constitutes a status symbol. sure a double venti cinnamon dolce latte is expensive, but its not exactly a ferrari.
if you want to be around other salt of the earth types, get a job at a diner. I FUCKING HATE YOU

12:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you bitter because life didn't turn out the way you wanted or expected it to?

9:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why don't you stop working at Starbucks? Unless they're how you get your insurance in which case it may be worth it.
and, don't ever visit Long Island. I can thankfully say I am from Rockland County, but somewhat unfortunately I am going to school out here.. Nassau county is a hellhole of overly tanned, bleached, coked-up, airhead bimbos.. its scary.

10:48 PM  
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9:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why don't you get a real job, then lazy-ass?

11:02 PM  

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