Hate For Fakers
Brian S. from Quinnipiac University
You pretend like it pisses you off, but if you could get one of those stickers you'd love it.
You know who I hate: People with handicap parking signs that don't need them. Have you ever gone to a Dunkin Donuts or a supermarket, and seen an old person getting out of a car in a handicap spot? She is standing up fine, picking up her 15 pound tote-bag like she is Hercules and walking like she's walking more gracefully than your 13 year old sister at ballet class? Bitch. She doesn't need a handicap parking sign for her car. People who deserve those can't walk, run, or knit at the speed of light like this granny could.
Reasons that people are getting these signs today: They are old, blind, fat.
Old: Okay, in my opinion, and hopefully the world's, there is no reason why old people should still be driving, let alone parking closer to my destination than me. Just because they are wise and have seen more of the horrors of life than me doesn't mean that they get to park their boat-like Cadillac (whose mirrors are never used when reversing) closer to the food court in the mall than me. They have had more cheeseburgers than me, I need to catch up by getting there before them (which I’ll probably do anyway because we all know that people with handicap stickers will fake being slow so as to retain the glorious piece of cardboard that hangs from their rearview).
Blind: What!!! Blind people driving? That is almost as fucked up as Bush being re-elected. Think about this, someone who is legally unable to see, has not only continued to carry a license around in their wallet, but gets to park in a blue-highlighted space that they will never know is any different than the others except for the fact that it is a shorter distance that they will have to feel out with their stick thing than I will have to walk.
Fat: Now this is ludicrous. I know Obesity is a problem in our country, but DMV or whoever you are that grants these signs, I say shame on you. You are promoting the fatness. Not only by giving them the sign are you rewarding them for having a couple more Crunch Wrap Supremes or Ho-Ho's, but you are preventing them from the one thing that might help them before they suffer from clogged arteries: the exercise it takes to walk from a farther parking spot outside BK to the line from which they will purchase their future death. Now I always get the,"I'm sorry, it's just gonna be a bit because we have to cook more fries," and I'm sick of it. If could just beat that fat man whose large van was parked horribly between a handicap spot and the holy grail of other spots then i would not have to wait for my craving to subside.
In summary, if you can walk (in any way shape or form for any period of time), have all of your extremities intact, and aren't in a wheelchair, then I say shame on you. For now, take the extra 15 seconds to get to your destination. Someday, your time will come when you get hit by a car or something and get one.