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Friday, December 16, 2005
Hate for God-Knows-What
JB from God-Knows-Where
I hate people that don't tip!I hate people that don't tip after asking me if its cold out there.Yes its FUCKING COLD, do you see the snow still on my sweatshirt.I hate people that don't tip and then say "have a great day!".Have a great day?Yeah I hope you get drunk and fall down the stairs, paralyzing you for the rest of your life, you cheap bastard.I realllly hate people who give you their payment in change and then say "keep the change!"WHAT THE HELL ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO KEEP!I hate people that look down when they're walking and are in the MIDDLE OF THE SIDEWALK!HEY! One side or the other motherfucker! Oh and ignoring me when I say excuse me... holy fucking crap you're the only one within 20 ft!LISTEN THE FUCK UP and GET THE HELL OVER!Sorry your little imaginary world that you watch by starring at the sidewalk is having a difficult crisis, but look up!LOOK UP SO YOU CAN SEE WHERE YOU ARE GOING!I hope you get hit by a fucking car.And I hope they're talking on their cell phone and eating at the same time while not wearing a seatbelt.That way you'll both die because I fucking hate those people too!You can't drive with both hands on the wheel so what makes you think that while talking into a cell phone you'll drive better?Where the fuck are you going in such a hurry that you really need to be on the phone!?Can't wait the five minutes it will take you to get anywhere near here that is worth being!?And you're eating too?Holy FUCK you've set a new standard for distraction!Why don't you juggle a couple rubber balls and fellate yourself too!Or hell, give yourself cunnilingus if you're female.Or maybe you're lucky and you have both!Go wild you fucking horrendous driver!Just make sure you hit the person who's not looking up while walking in the middle of the sidewalk after NOT TIPPING ME! Another thing, stop complaining that your life is terrible!I know people with fucking cancer you self-loathing bitch!I don't complain about my life, you know why?I have perspective on my life and I can recognize when my its terrible (i.e. I'll be dead in a couple of weeks because I developed a brain tumor) and when its just a touch not great (I didn't get a fucking tip goddamnit!).Yes I'm aware that I'm venting hate at a high level, doesn't mean I'm complaining... well maybe it does, but so what!FUCK YOU!
I've been trying to figure out what JB here does and I can only come to one conclusion: professional snow shoveler. Anyone else have a guess?
Guitar dude next door. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind the guitar and this would be ok if he played it he played during the day or evening.However, he seems to feel that when I have a final and need sleep is a much better time to display his musical talent. He also prefers to play when he is so drunk that he can't handle a G chord. I've heard blind, retarded, quadruple amputees using their teeth play better than this guy. Then he sings. And when I say sings, I mean he opens his mouth and sounds of inhuman origin spill from his vocal chords. I would prefer it if they would simply torture a cat next door because it would sound more like music. This man has butchered every song to every to walk the earth with his drunken screeching and if it continues I'm going to ram that acoustic piece of shit up his ass and see how he signs then. It will probably be an improvement.
Don't hate the shred, dude. My band is about to blow up huge! A rep from Interscope is supposed to be coming to our next gig.
In stead of studying, i will describe something i hate.Fucking rap songs that talk about guns.Case in Point:Last week, a friend sent me a song called "So Seductive" By Tony Yayo Ft. 50 Cent.It's a song about hot women...(surprise!)But the first few lines say, "Aww...nigga, do you know who you messin wit?We got them German Lugers wit them hollow tips, one shot one kill."What the fuck?The song's about women!Did you raid Hitler's stash?HOw many people are these rappers killing?Nobody cares what you're armed with. "Aww..shawty...we got dem m-16s"What is the point of this arsenal?And another thing, i hate people who think that Scarface is the best movie ever. Everyone here has gota scarface DVD or poster."man, i'm just like Scarface, came from nuttin, gonna get the world."DID YOU SEE THE GODAMN MOVIE?HE NEARLY HAS SEX WITH HIS SISTER AND GETS SHOT BY LIKE 50 MILLION PEOPLE!If only their fate could be his.Fuck that movie, it's not that good.
Bro, don't talk about Tony Yayo like that...he'll smoke yo ass.
Motherfuckers who pretend a relationship is way more than it actually is. If these sort of people had the time to memorize the life history, favorite drink, academic major, and favorite football team of all 6 billion people on the planet, they would undoubtedly do it. This species of human tends to generalize the span of your life by the drunken habits you exhibited back in freshman year. Get a clue buddy; no one is falling for it!
You know what really grinds my gears, i hate these clowns that self proclaim themselves a heavy drinker. Yeah I have hung out with you before and watched you puke all over yourself later in the night. So don't come to me every weekend with a story about how much you drank and how hungover you are b/c I know the truth. I've seen your type before - flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention, but when it comes down to it you just can't handle your drinks. Stop lying about how bad ass you are and how much you drink.
I think a new rule should be that anyone who asks a question during any class, for any reason, other than "Professor, is it alright if I roll a joint while you put useless practice exercises on the board for these other fucking monkeys to dick around with until they realize they're too retarded to spell the word 'failure'?" should be killed in the least humane way possible. Period. If you don't understand what a teacher is talking about, then you're not gonna... no matter how many times you raise your idiot arm and say in your idiot voice"well, I see your point, but- " No. No 'but-'s. You don't understand. You're not going to. I don't care if your slutty girlfriends think you're being profound (cause 18 year old journalism majors from NH have obviously had enough life experience to be melancholy and philosophical...right?...I mean its not like they go online and Google 'Nietzsche' enough times to quote arbitrary irrelevant passages during normal conversation and try to pass them off as their own...right?) Just shut up. Stop it. If you don't get it, just go back to putting 'deep' lyrics in your AIM profile and hoping that if you leave constant away messages about how 'crunk' you're getting I wont notice that you're a fucking idiot. The death penalty should be applied to any student who speaks during class...this also includes any/all comments beginning with "well the way I see it - " I don't care how you see it. Coincidentally, no one does except the parents who raised you to believe that hard work and excessive use of Highlighters is any kind of substitute for lack of genuine intelligence. Let me simplify it for you, folks, if you don't have the intellectual capacity necessary to process basic college level English, math, science, and language information without interrupting my naps during class with your incessant whining and demands for further explanation, pack up your shit and blow the next redneck in a pickup truck to drive you back down to whatever South-of-Massachusetts, cousin-fucking state you came out of. Christ all-fucking Mighty.
Whoa, whoa, whoa missy, I'm from Connecticut which is south of Massachusetts an' I don like the way you talkin' 'bout mah state, ya hear. Now git!
I've never deprived myself of a hookup regardless of how fat or ugly the girl may be. If I have to wake up next to a girl who weighs more than 175 pounds again im gonna jump off of the roof the recreation complex, and thats no joke. Why can't i just go home and masterbate to internet porn? Because im a perverted sexual deviant thats why. Then all year I have to see these ugly girlson campus and be constantlyreminded of the time I took that girl home, found out she was virgin, and tried to force my penis into her her vagina through her panties (because its not sex if you use her panties as a condom). Then every single one of my friends must chastize me by reminding me of the time I fucked the girl with one arm, God damnit I hate myself sometimes. OH and I also had sex with my roomates sister, and let me tell you America, there is nothing cool about telling your roomate that you balled his sister.......................twice.
Wow buddy, you've got some issues to work out. Lemme know how that goes.
Crying because of final exams Charlie: Every morning for a solid week, you drudge gloomily into the shitty campus grille and make it known to everyone there that you had the worst night ever because you had to study for a final. That sucks man, cause even though I have some of the same classes as you, I don't have any finals. In fact, last night I had the best time ever, consisting of going to the best strip club in town, getting a free blowjob, and then blowing lines off the stripper's ass afterwards. FUCK YOU!!! Every college kid in America is strung out on Aderall and Caffine pills for a straight week of hell. Why do you have to piss and moan like you have the hardest week of academia that ever existed? And Jesus Christ, half of your finals are fucking gen-ed. Art history isn't rocket science asshole. Quit bitching and kill yourself. I hate you.
You just don't get it. If you had Schirmer for chem you'd be freaked too. Not everybody can be a philosophy major, jerk.
I hate seeing fat people eating at McDonalds....hey Tubby McLardbutt put down the double big mac... it just disgusts me, i know how hard is it to go to Subway or something?? I mean its no wonder you're 100 pounds over weight when all you eat is fat, mayo and salt.... cant they feel their arteries clogging??? and especially if they fucking supersize there meal, whoa there why don't you just add the extra mayo extra cheese and take away the lettuce and tomatoes it doesn't matter now... and you wonder why people are disgusted maybe cuz you've got your equally over weight kids sitting next to you!!! now wipe the mayo from your chin, get off your cottage-cheese ass and go to the gym fatty!!
Oh and you know what else I hate... people who wear sandals and socks... I mean your fucking kidding me right??? The purpose of socks is to keep your feet warm right??.... the purpose of sandals is to let your feet have air, usually its warm out when people wear sandals right?? So why contradict yourselves??? If you put on socks in the morning how hard is it to choose shoes instead of sandals!! I really don't get it!!...and it makes me really angry...do you purposely want to look like a retard?? Is this some kind of joke to piss off people like me? Or do you honestly think you look good? I hate you!
Well, excuse me if I want to keep my toes warm while I go hiking and talk in low, gutteral tones.
First, players are always telling me how bad a night they had, when they had a fucking curfew of 10. Come on guys...what did you do? Eat a bad microwave taco and spend your two hours of night shitting by yourself in the locker room bathroom? Yeah.....fucking douche.... and another thing you always go on and on about how much ass you get....but yet I never EVER see you with a girl or a trashy girl leaving your room or you and some random piece of ass fucking in the gutter......your fucking standing in the corner of a party waiting for a girl to come to you bc your "to good looking" to go get your own puss. You make me sick...and another thing your dicks aren't that big....didn't your mother ever tell you that the juice makes your wiener small......Jesus I love you to hate you guys. Oh and your sex anit that good either...yeah Travis I'm talking to you asshole.....never got your dick wet in high school....well that's my shit on players and Madonna is the antichrist and I hate her and if she changes her name to Ester I would still hate her................Happy Fucking Hanukah Ester......Love Jenna the Jew
Don't be jealous of our buldging muscles and/or shrunken testicles.
I hate that fuckin kid who follows me and my friends everywhere.I guess he doesnt understand that we lock the door when he leaves our dorm room so we can drink in peace.Hey dumb shit, if you say you'll be back in a couple seconds, leave and here the door lock, we dont want you around.Especially if you knock and say "It's me" and it still takes us 2 minutes to opne the door. We dont give a shit if you have beer, we do too, and if we need any we'll be sure to steal it from you you little bitch.Oh yea, and one more thing, never, ever come into my room and just stand there and say nothing, if you have nothing to say to me, stay the fuck out, or hang yourself or something.
Wait...dude, what are you guys up to tonight? Yeah...can I hop a ride with you guys? Oh Nice, SHOTGUN! Boo-Ya!
I hate all the Non-Smoking Nazis in this country.I’m okay with bans on smoking in public buildings and such; I can go outside, no big deal.But then you assholes come out of the building and bitch at me because I’m smoking near where you want to walk. Don’t come at me with your idiot complaints and remarks.Next time you come up to me and tell me “That really smells great, thanks a lot.”, and then look at me like I’m the scum of the earth for fouling up your air, I’m just going to say “You’re welcome.”, and then blow a big puff of smoke right in your ugly, self-righteous face.Are you honestly complaining about having to deal with a mildly offensive odor for a brief period of time, or do you somehow believe that the tiny amount of smoke you inhale as you pass by is going to kill you?I know smoking causes cancer and all, but the amount of smoke you manage to inhale before the wind blows the rest away will, in your entire lifetime, add up to like two cigarettes, at most.And if you don’t want to deal with second hand smoke in a restaurant or bar, then you choose a non-smoking venue, you don’t have to make it so every bar and restaurant is non-smoking by law; I like a cigarette with my beer damn it!Why the bloody fuck should non-smokers get every bar in town?And don’t walk up to me on the street and tell me how unhealthy it is.I have that information already, and if it didn’t keep me from buying my first pack, how the hell do you think it's going make me stop.I like my deadly carcinogens, thank you, and I’ll quit when I fucking feel like it.
I also hate all the Scotties of the world.I’ve only met three of you so far, and thank god, because if I had to deal with any more of your bullshit, I’d probably start killing you losers.Near as I can figure, you were pretty much at the bottom of the food chain in high school, and all you can do to feel better about yourself now is to go after me.But of course, just blatantly fucking with me won’t go over that well with the rest of the people in the room, so you have to be all passive aggressive.Don’t tell me that my friends said not to let me back in the room; I’ve been partying there all semester.Don’t ask me if my cigarette tastes good, you are the only person in the room who isn’t a smoker.And goddamn it, you do not need to say my full name every single time you start spewing your bullshit at me.I know you act like this because you see me as the one guy in the room who is more of a misfit than you, but the funny thing is you are the one who doesn’t fit in.I may not have much in the way of social skill, but at least I’m not the one who comes in to say that we should be studying for our finals instead of smoking a bunch of pot, then stand there quietly watching us for a few minutes looking like an idiot, before going back to wherever you came from.Where the fuck did you come from, anyway, because I know you don’t live here.I hope all three of you die in a fiery catastrophe aboard your gay cruise ship.
I would like to take alittle time to express the utter boiling rage i feel for all the tripple popped collar douches roaming the streets today. These People have absolutly no knowledge beyond the use of the ATM. They dont understand the meaning of money, mostly likely becuase their father is either off hating his golddigger wife, or fucking his secretary. I have the misfortune of living with two such dingleberries here at school. Enough aready i DONT want to hear about how "sick your whip is" or what youm "Summer esate is like " FUCK YOU YOU POMPOUS ASS HOLE. YOU dont know shit about life , but as long as daddy keeps that sick job it looks like your personal yatching lessons can continue. Get a Grip or GETSLAIN INA HORRIBLE WHIP ACCIDENT. EITHER WAY PUT THOSE FUCKING COLLARS DOWN. I HATE YOU PINK SHIRT DOUCHEMAN I HATE YOU
But John, once you pop, you just can't stop looking like a winner.
I hate the jackass guys here at Tech who think they are better and smarter than everyone else. Sure….all your life you have been told you’re a genius. So have I! The difference is, I’m not an arrogant asshole that talks down to everyone. Get over yourself! Find a good personality and stop acting like a dick. You are NOT all that. We all know that you spend countless hours playing video games because you have no friends. You aren’t better than me. In fact I’m probably better than you and smarter than you. I just choose to have social skills.
The cure to this ailment is to go to an online university. I hear U of Pheonix has some amazing iDegrees.
People who dont know how to ride the bus. I HATE FUCKERS WHO COME ON THE BUS AND STAND RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE BACK DOORS. YOUR STOP ISNT NEXT ASSHOLE GET OUT OF THE WAY.AND ARE YOU BLIND THERES A MILLION SEATS RIGHT BEHIND, CANT U JUST SIT UR UGLY ASS DOWN. THEN WHEN SOMEONE WANTS TO GET OFF THE ASSHOLES MOVES AN INCH, LIKE THATS GONNA HELP"THANKS FUCKBAG NOW I CAN GET BY!" IM NOT MARYKATE OSLEN DICKHOLE, MOVE!! HOW FUCKING HARD IS IT TO STAND TO THE FUCKING SIDE OR SIDE UR FAT ASS DOWN??? I HATE YOU
I'd change this entry to NOT all caps, but I feel that would take away from the delicious anger here.
I hate "Gustang Gus." And yes, I know a Gustang Gus. If you haven't guessed already, Gus drives a Mustang, which he appropriately named the Gustang. The Gustang is a white convertible with zebra-print upholstry and purple dice dangling from the rear-view mirror, much representing the bruised testicles he must experience on a regular basis for his lack of sexual activity. The Gustang has a small engine with attachments to make a lot of noise and exhaust. The Gustang is an automatic, but Gus drives it as if it were a stick shift, shifting fiercely between "Drive" and 1st gear, sometimes throwing it into neutral just for that stick shift-like jolt. Gus is not a man defined by his car, though. Gus has a better fake tan than my real one; he smells as fresh as a recently deodorized couch; he has a beautiful diamond stud in one of his ears. Hair is perfectly gelled, not a stray on his head. His face is smooth as a baby's ass at all times, and his smile is bleached and twinkles in pictures; he makes sure to attend the gym at least five times a week, which isn't difficult since he works there. He does some bicep curls and bench presses, wearing finger-less leather gloves to make sure his Hollywood hands don't develop calluses. He is the king of the douchebags, will get into any car or muscle-related argument and fight until the death, whether he is correct or not. He gets more sex than anyone you know, but somehow he hasn't slept with anyone you know. Gus has only porn and money on his mind: porn for sexual satisfaction and money so he can maintain his sex machine image and not have to resort to porn. Gus is a man of irony, hating jocks, pretty boys, and Trans Ams. I feel as if everyone knows a Gus, ruler of Mustangs, most macho metrosexual alive. If you don't know a Gus, you must be Gus.
But if we don't fight to the death, who will defend the merits of a slant-six over those of a straight six?
I absolutely hate middle aged selfish ass baby boomers.You guys were kind of cool in the 80s, you had 30 Something.Now, you're OLD!!You can't drive well any more -because your eyesight is shot, but you think wearing glasses will make you look old.What will really make you old is scar tissue from the crash that you caused when you drove your lame ass Buick into my car.And yes Buicks are lame now.I know they were cool back in your time, but so were 'duck and cover' nuclear bomb drills. I'm sorry if you can't read signs that are right in front of your face or tell what color traffic signals are.Buy a seeing eye dog, maybe he can read them for you.You think that just because I have only been out of college for 2 years that I don't know jack.Newsflash, you got out of college 20 years ago!!If you still remember most of the crap you were tought, good for you.I still have most of my memory intact, so don't get mad when I ignore any incorrect 'facts' you may try to teach me.Especially since you know nothing about my field of work but insist on telling me how little I know on a regular basis.And I understand that you worked hard for your money and yadday yadday yadday.Sorry, but I'm not 80 years old so I haven't had the chance to work my fingers to the bone for half a century.And nobody wants to hear your stupid stories!! Especially when you can't even remember half of them.If you think I'm going to call you 'sir' or 'maam' just because your old, your crazier than I thought.If you address me as 'hey' or 'kid', don't expect any pleasantries.And you don't pay my salary, I know this because you didn't sign my paycheck.
Well Mister, who do you think pays for that Treo-phone thingy you love so much?
I know I'm a little late, but I really hate my mongoloid roommate.Good job graduating with your Arts degree in Kinetics, buddy.I bet taking those summer classes really relieved some stress from your hectic schedule of playing badminton and learning the proper way to perform a squat thrust.What's that?You want to know how to spell "coat?"Oh, that's understandable, seeing as how you're functionally illiterate and shouldn't have graduated from high school.Sure, chew your nails in front of me while I'm watching TV; I especially like the way you crunch them up right before you swallow them.Too tired to wash your fucking pasta pot?Why don't you leave it in the sink for 2 weeks until I have to use it, so I can clean off the mutagen that has congealed all over it.Just once I'd like to live in your dream world, where girls who wouldn't give you the time of day are actually in love with you, everything is spelled phonetically, and wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt riddled with holes for 6 consecutive days is considered a cultural norm.Do me a favour and the next time you get piss-your-pants drunk, go for a drive in your Benz.Prick.
Functionally illiterate, huh? Must go to a good school.
I hate people who hate Belgians. Honestly, what have you got against us? We're one of the smallest nations in Europe and we haven't done *anything* to *anyone* *ever*. You're simply angry because our waffles make you look like a tiny dick-sucking ordinary college student and you can't handle it. At worst, we've made designs that have become the origin for the lace that graces the lingere your girlfriend wears on occasion - by the way, good choice, she's amazing in bed. Glad she's so "faithful." And to set the record straight, the greek community is nothing to make fun of. Just because y'all couldn't get accepted to the brotherhood that is the quintessential fraternity doesn't mean y'all should make fun of it. It's simply another social organization that's fighting against a stigma that you are shamelessly promoting. Congratu-fuckin'-lations, you discriminating sons of bitches. I hope you feel good about yourself and all your 'egalitarian, equality-loving ideals' because you obviously don't subscribe to anything close to that. You are members of the club I like to casually call, "I'm dumb, ignorant and angry, take pity on me." You have no sympathy for anyone who isn't equal to you. You don't even have sympathy for people who are equal to you. You are simple apathetic, arrogent bitter bastards.
I spent a few memorable nights in Brussels and I can say this: you're waffles are fine, your chocolate is delicious, your beer is unbeatable but, man, you guys could use some work on accents. Could I learn to speak your language? Maybe. But that would take all the fun out of being an American.
People who claim to hate Mtv who actually are just addicted as you and I.Said people claim to have seen the same episode of LagunaBeach so many times that they are able to "quote an entire episode."They also claim to know everything about shows they claim has no value.So how come motherfucker, you can quote Laguna?Why Jon K of the Marines?You big heterosexual asshole you.You sure aren't gay, repressing your feelings of inadequacy--leaving you to only please other men who couldn't 'cut-it' for the opposite sex, are you?You love pussy don't you.You just can't stand being someone who likes laguna beach/the real world/whatever and having other alpha-male-bad-ass-fifteen-year-old-boy-fucker-base-apes tell you you're a "faggot" with a aftertaste of truth, can you?Why don't you do some more push ups so you're not gay.Fag. I HATE YOU!!!!!!! fag.
I HATE those damn Emo kids! You know, those sappy anorexic-looking kids with the thick, black greasy hair, the thick black glasses, and those huge fucking scarves.They chastise anyone who wears anything but the color black and then they cry after a long shift at Hot Topic while listening to the sweet tunes of My Chemical Romance. They then write about how much they hate their parents on their MySpace blog. "I can't wait to get out of this dark hell I've been living in and go to the Vans Warped Tour." Give me an f'ing break! They are trying so hard to be non-conformists, yet they all look and act EXACTLY alike. Amazing. And to any Emo kid who may read this, I'm not writing this simply because I am ignorant what a black abyss your life is, but because I think you are completely unoriginal, self-involved, and obnoxious. Oh yeah...and I hate you.
Hey, your Dad has two mortgages on that dark hell and has to pull over time on the weekends for it.
I fucking hate bosses that chastise you because of things that they haven't gotten clear. I mean, when the prick tells me to do one thing, like five minutes later the asshole is telling me that I need to be doing something else. GET IT THE FUCK STRAIGHT then get pissed off at me for not doing something. I am so sick of his "I am army man I am a prick when I have to be" attitude. Come off it fucker. People have feelings and opinions that are a little more pronounced than yours.
Jennifer...is that you?...I want you out of here immediately. Oh, and don't bother packing your things, building security will take care of that.