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Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Hate for a Roommate

Connor from St. Francis Xavier U.

I know I'm a little late, but I really hate my mongoloid roommate. Good job graduating with your Arts degree in Kinetics, buddy. I bet taking those summer classes really relieved some stress from your hectic schedule of playing badminton and learning the proper way to perform a squat thrust. What's that? You want to know how to spell "coat?" Oh, that's understandable, seeing as how you're functionally illiterate and shouldn't have graduated from high school. Sure, chew your nails in front of me while I'm watching TV; I especially like the way you crunch them up right before you swallow them. Too tired to wash your fucking pasta pot? Why don't you leave it in the sink for 2 weeks until I have to use it, so I can clean off the mutagen that has congealed all over it. Just once I'd like to live in your dream world, where girls who wouldn't give you the time of day are actually in love with you, everything is spelled phonetically, and wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt riddled with holes for 6 consecutive days is considered a cultural norm. Do me a favour and the next time you get piss-your-pants drunk, go for a drive in your Benz. Prick.

Functionally illiterate, huh? Must go to a good school.

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