Contribute to The Famous Hate List, send your hate to Just make sure to include your first name, last initial and school.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Hate For Athletics

Eric P. really hates
Hey, lacrosse guy, you're the coolest guy ever! It's so cool that you carry around that stick with you everywhere you go, amazing us with how you twirl it around so fast and keep that ball in there. I wouldn't know what you're doing with it in the library, but that's probably because I'm just not as cool as you. I cant believe I've been wasting my time with the good American classic sports like baseball and football, and not gotten into lacrosse. Man, I wish I could be so cool as to pop my collar and carry that stick to parties and into the bathroom with me. Listen jerk ass, you play lacrosse, good for you. I play baseball, you don't see me carrying a bat or a glove around with me. Quit raping strippers, quit trying to be somebody from Laguna Beach, and put that fucking stick away already!

Another Juliet Hateback

This one from Josh
So, you think "emo" is a very talented genre of music? Emocore my ass all emo is is the result of the Punk genre taking a big fucking shit in the toliet. You pretend to hate emo and call it faggy, but come on, you're really a self hating fag aren't you? Or lesbian whatever. I wish your mom's HMO covered abortion. I hate you

Hateback: Hating On Emo Haters

Joe hates Juliet from New Jersey
I hate people who identify emo as a legitimate type of music, those who will defend its whiny lyrics and weak power (like home office) chords. I hate people who classify bands such as Sunny Day Real Estate as talented musicians. Well, to be honest thats all I've got. I started out thinking how hilariously witty my "I hate" response was going to be but, that, um, sorta' fell apart. Hey the title wasn’t bad though eh?

Hate For Male Beauty

Jeremy C. from Washington State University really hates
I really hate "Guy who jogs around campus with his shirt off". I realize you're better looking than me and have an awesome body. Ok, it is fine you get way more sex than me, but the last thing I need when I wake up on Wednesday with a hangover and an orange tint to my lips becaues I went on a drunken eating binge and finished an entire bag of Cheetos is to see your "better than ass" jogging right in front of me. I swear to God if you keep it up the next time you come jogging by me in your addidas shorts and bronzed body you're getting a branch in the back of your head. Watch out asshole.

Hate For Caring

Cher from Windsor University really hates
I hate those people who pretend to care about public tragedies as if it were their own. I am not heartless, and I do have compassion, but I'm not about to spend an hour saying 'what a great man that police officer was' near tears about someone whom I have never met, planned to meet, and maybe would have had the pleasure of meeting in a traffic stop as a crammed my weed in my glove compartment. Maybe you feel that pretending to know someone important makes you important. Or maybe you know that anything you say can't be argued because the person in question is dead. You're not a fucking superior person for faking to care about some random. No one buys it. You don't have enough close friends to care about, so you hold onto these imaginary ones you find out about in the news. If you actually went through the pain of losing someone you care about, you wouldn't want to even fake that feeling ever again. You fucking make me sick with your 'moments of silence' and hugs of comfort. You never knew the fucking guy! Take your donations and carnations and shove them up your ass! I fucking hate you!

Hate For The Highway

Jasmine from USC
I spend a good two hours driving a day and the trucks that get on the freeways in OC and LA really piss me off. I understand that for the most part they are larger vehicles so they cant take ramps as fast, but driving 40 with a posted speed limit of 65 (which everyone knows means drive 80) is just absolutely ridiculous. If I drove a Hummer I would just ram them. However, as I am confined to a Civic, I must simply channel my rage into hoping that they will catch a glance of my severely discontented face, which of course they won't because they are approximately one story above me. And that is just the big rigs. In Orange County we also get a lot of gardener trucks on the freeway. These idiots also drive slow simply because they cannot afford to get pulled over for fear of being deported back to Central America. But the slow driving isn't the only terrible part of the gardener trucks. These are usually early 90s pickups that have been shoddily converted into gardener trucks which house lawnmowers, rakes, shovels and whatever else it is that gardeners use. Said tools are barely attached to said truck which, quite frankly, scares me to death. Now it is to be understood that if they drove much faster on the freeway then these rusted landscaping mediums might actually fall off causing even more anger on my part, but my point is that none of these vehicles should be allowed on the freeway. Ever. It is with great rarity the freeways in Southern California are clear enough to actually go the speed limit. Please don't ruin it for the rest of us.

Hate For The Comically Challenged

Liam M. hates
I hate people who make one funny joke in their whole life and then think they are incredibly funny. These people are not funny, their fags. Fags whose only way to coolness is by telling the same fucking average joke over and over again. For example, lets say there is this massive d-bag at your school who everyone hates and makes fun of with equal ability. Then Faggy McFag comes along and says a joke that is average and overused(That guy is really gay he must like to do dudes up the butt) something to that affect. Some fag laughs and this tool with low self esteem thinks he's cool. Now that he is on a powertrip of gayness and he doesn't stop insulting people using the same insult. Eventually he tries to worm his way into a group of friends, but luckily most people aren't gay so they tell to go to his dorm and kill himself. I wish they would listen to this advice because some where down the road they'll do the same fucking thing again.
Notice the irony here in that Liam berates people for relying on trusted fall backs but calls his nemesis a 'fag' in almost every sentence.

Hate For K-Fed

George H. hates
He is the poster child for white trash all he needs is a trailer and a car on blocks. Not only has he ruined Brittany Spears life and the other girl he has two children with. He has also ruined the world; people now think it's cool to dress as a complete scum bag. These people now flood every bar you go to in hopes of scoring a chick like Brittany. What they don't realize is that she is white trash too, and if that's the girl you want then you should move to Po Dunk County and you can score one there. If any one should have there nuts cut off its him, I mean seriously he could impregnate a girl from 6ft away and then just as easily leave them and take there money. Then this guy tries to make a CD....JUST FOR THE RECORD YOU HAVE NO MUSIC retard friend has more music ability then he does. My final thoughts are these....take the Budweiser out of your hand and out of your ass, put the drugs down, get a job and some new clothes, and for once shower. You probably smell like a monkey's ass.

Hate For Mega-Nerds

Anonymous hates
I hate that guy at the Electronic store that has to tell me about his whole freakin WoW character. I just want to buy my pre-used 5 dollar game so I can kill a few hours of time before giving up and getting drunk. I don't give a rats ass how you found the Level 64 exp#44 sword. SHUT UP!!!

Hate For Almost Family

Matt H. from Wesley College hates
I hate my girlfriend's annoying, slutty, pathetic excuse for a human being sister. She is a stuck-up, phys co-pathetic, mentally challenged bitch. OH your 21, wanna buy me beer? OK. I get me beer but where the fuck is my change bitch. You say its "Only five dollars." That's my 5 dollars bitch. I bought your fat ass a forty too, what more do you want you stingy Jew. I had to drive you here because your stupid ass can't fucking operate a car, and when you do it always seems to end up with horrific results.Two totaled cars since I have been dating your sister (1 year). You are a total waste of oxygen and the way I see it is your taking precious seconds off my life.Something must be done. Hopefully while your fat ass is in the ocean, poachers mistake you for a whale and use you for target practice. Then you go out and leave your fuckin crying, spoiled rotten, worthless child behind (who is going to need some serious treatment around 6 or 7) for my girlfriend and I to watch.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Hate for Social Awareness

Scott S. form Benedictine College
I hate all those that need causes. All your tears and hours for some under-spoken group that you're sure needs saving. Stop trying to end (insert cause that no one really gives a shit about... abortion, drinking, starving homeless dogs). If the world needed your help, they'd hire you. Get out of my face and stop sending petitions to my mailbox. Honestly, I don't care about that kid in South America, if I don't feed him cocaine will. Also, you non-traditional students. Yeah, so I get it that you've lived longer than me and saw more shit happen to fuck up the world. I don't care about your opinions in class and how things were different in your day. This is my time and computers and other "magical sci-fi machines" like the internet bill-pay are easy to use and understand. So the next time you enroll in Finance 101, don't tell me how the last time you did taxes was with the G.I. Bill and a slide ruler.

Hate for Emo

Juliet from New Jersey
I fucking hate people who identify with "emo". Emo is not even a fucking adjective you stupid douche bags. Its a type of music, not people. The next time I read a myspace profile of someone who calls themselves "emo" I am going to google earth their address and fuck up their stupid shit eating face. Who the fuck do they think they are, ruining the name of a talented genre of music. "Emo" doesn't mean emotional, it means "emocore" (like the band Sunny Day Real Estate). Do you think no one understands you because you are complicated and different? No. It's because no one cares. Being in touch with your feelings and wearing women’s clothing is a subculture, its called homosexuality. You're not "emo", you're "a faggot". I hope you slit your wrists and bleed to death in your bathtub, you piece of shit. I hate you.

Hate for Xenu

Mike from Providence College
I. Fucking. Hate. Tom. Cruise. His 'knowledge' of psychiatry is right up to par with his stature. Or for that matter, his dick as well. It's definitely non-existent. He has the gall to not only bash anybody with a mental ailment, but go on to say that it's NON-EXSISTENT? Oh my God. And the requirements for such bullshit? A high school diploma and a role in an action movie. WOW. Next thing you know, Little John is going to tell us that having Chlamydia is all in our heads and Nicolas Cage is going to deny the fact that we have a right foot and Eva Longoria will tell us that only pussies get cancer. Jesus. And Katie Holmes? The woman creeps me out even more than the man she's pretending to fuck. I can just picture Tom mixing drugs in her scientology energy drink. She's his fucking beard. The man is a sexually frustrated, delusional control freak. He gives gay people a bad name. Fuck Tom Cruise. He has Daddy issues yet to be resolved. Overmedicating is one thing. Telling millions of people that the voices in their head or the mood swings they go through aren't real is another thing. Tom Cruise, take your head away from Ryan Seacrest's ass and get back on your meds.

Hate for Fashion

Jeff K. from Penn State
Ms. Giant Sun Glasses. As long as Paris Hilton says they’re cool, then it must be true. (Funny story about Paris Hilton; she’s a skank. Don’t believe me? Ask her father.) Anywhooo, I really feel that no matter how many people claim that they look good, somewhere, deep with in the recesses of their soul, they are laughing along with me. I’m sure that I will have several male detractors disagreeing with me, citing evidence that a lot of hot girls wear this particular style of sunglasses. I answer them thusly: you don’t find it a bit suspicious that nearly 50% of these girls’ faces are hidden behind overpriced plastic. What exactly are they hiding? The answer: ugliness. I’ve been told several times in my life that I’d be better looking if someone put a bag on my head with a picture of the Toxic Avenger drawn in crayon, but you don’t see me doing it! Show us your faces.

Hate for the Needy

Kim R. from University of Washington

I generally hate people who try to beg shit from me. Homeless people I can deal with because I just give them my Canadian change, but the ones that piss me off the most and annoy me to no end are these random assholes that walk up to me at the bus stop while I am smoking a cigarette and they ask me, "Do you have an extra cigarette that I can bum from you?" LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! Look, I actually make a conscious effort to make sure that I have enough cigarettes to last me for the day. If I am down to my last few smokes, I actually go to the store and buy a pack or a carton with my own money which is a bitch because Washington state has some of the highest cigarette taxes in the country, and a carton of American Spirits can cost more than $60. Because I am actually clairvoyant enough to buy cigarettes when I am about to run out, I have to deal with these mooching retards three or four times per day who, despite being in college, do not have enough brain power to leave the house with enough smokes or to at least ration their supply until they can buy more. Sometimes they think that they are being more considerate by offering me $0.25 for a smoke. That's when I tell them that I also charge a $0.25 "you're annoying the shit out of me you mooching douchbag " tax. In my opinion, these jerks are only one step above smelly homeless people who beg for change. Buy your own cigarettes you pricks, and leave me alone!

Hate For Possessive Dickheads

John F. from UW Stout hates
You can’t drive my truck/car guy. No need to consider the fact that you started drinking three hours before every body else, you are still the best candidate to drive us to the party. Ohh I know it’s not personal, it’s just that no one drives you vehicle except you. What happens if you break this rule? Do they take you off the douche bag mailing list? Now your absolutely right with your prediction that I won’t know where the rear defrost button is under pressure. But that problem is more easily fixed our mailbox, witch you just fucking ran over. And thankfully I have been training, should such an emergency occur, since I was 16. Yes I have piloted one of these amazing metal chariots before. And lets not forget, your truck is kinda gay any ways.
Bro, there isn't anything gay about a Ford F-150. You looking for a fight?

Monday, February 20, 2006

Hate For Manladies

Ben M. from Arizona State Univeristy
I can’t stand these chicks that are trying to be dudes. I don’t want a girl who can drink as much as me, that is not sexy. I don’t want a girl who chain smokes parliament lights in one hand and has a red cup full of vodka in the other. That is not hot. These fucking girls yell and scream and get wasted and act the fool. That is the stuff guys do, and I don’t want to fuck a guy. Girls are suppose to be sweet and nice. I want her to smell good and be smart. So FUCK all these fucking sorority bitches who go out and suck one cock after another and get plowed by some fucker in a closet every weekend. Take the cock out of your ears and start acting like a woman. But the reason I really fucking hate these bitches is that they make the NICE girls think that they’re not hot or good enough or sexy enough because they don’t throw their asses around like saltwater taffy on Halloween. So FUCK YOU girls trying to act like dudes, you’re fucking it all up.
I'll tell you what's NOT sexy; a woman who closes the door while she poops.

Hate For The Immature

Trey S. from Wichita State University
You know what I hate? People that make a big fucking deal about the "shocker". I go to school at Wichita State and that is our mascot. So of course we have to take all this bullshit because the founders of the school lost a bet a hundred years ago and chose this quaint little name for our mascot..(well they kinda shortened it from Wheatshocker, if that somehow makes it any better). Every basketball game that I've attended has been that much more enjoyable because I can flash the "shocker" all the time and I don't get in trouble for doing it..fuck, I see 5 year olds flashing it and mommy and daddy think it's so cute and adorable. Now, because every fucking high school kid in America is putting it in their senior pictures, adults are finally starting to catch on. Giving someone the bird used to be an offense that was punishable with a nice "fuck you too buddy!", but now people are bitching about the shock mainly because they just found out what it meant 15 minutes ago, trust me it's kinda funny trying to explain to your parents what two in the boot, one in the coot means. I wish the people of America would stick to something worth bitching about. Like the fact that Duke will always be in the Top 10 in college basketball, or that McDonald's stops serving breakfast before 11..damn the arches!
But dude, it's so funny. I throw it up in every single picture taken of me. Even in my senior class portrait. That's how badass I am.

Hate For The Loud...Again

Liz T. from the University of Iowa
I hate people that feel the need to let everyone around them know what they did last night by talking on their cell phone at mach ten volume in a crowed space.. For example when you have to ride the bus to class and you have nine million fucking freshmen on their phones talking at high volume so everyone around them can hear how cool their new fucking shoes (that they bought with their parents money anyway) are or how "wasted" they got last night.. Guess what?!.. I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHAT YOU DID LAST NIGHT! I'm still trying to understand why I even got up to go to class since it is way to early to be up anyway, and I don't need to hear your nails on a chalk board babble about how hot the guy you met last night was.. Congratulations! you are the fucking coolest person I know because you don't have any real friends with which to discuss such things so you need to let everyone on the fucking campus know how cool you are and how everyone likes you, fanfuckingtastic next time get a ride to class with one of your minions and leave the rest of us in half asleep disoriented peace. If you fucking talk like that when you are not on your cell phone, then i am baffled how you have any friends with which to go out anyway, since they would all be deaf by now and not able to talk on a phone. In closing, here is a word of advice for you cell phone braggarts, just keep your fucking mouth shut and talk about it when you see your "friends" because if I'm not already talking to you and inquiring about your night then guess what, I really don't give a shit. So shut the fuck up and let me ponder how my professor is teaching at an American University when he can barely speak English himself.
That teacher is teaching there the same way you're living here; through equality, and the fact that back in the Slovakia his people are being slaughtered by the thousands.

Hate For The Loud

Steve From Philly
I hate people who stand idly bullshitting with their friends in the middle of a staircase. I'm no safety freak or anything, so this normally just bothers me as much as any other midday delay. But if there happens to be a fire in the
building and I have to get out post haste, I won't hesitate to trample all over you people standing and talking on the stairs. But when I'm not being chased by a massive wall of fire and would just like to get where I'm going before tomorrow, your dignity takes precedence. I'm just nice like that. I try to be courteous and wait for you to move voluntarily, but when you refuse to acknowledge the traffic jam of people that is building up behind you, my slight displeasure quickly escalates into furious hatred. Is this how my thoughtful courtesy is compensated for? Furthermore, I would just like to state for the record that I do not, in any way, consider myself a sexist, of any sort. But the fact remains that a good portion of the offenders in the case described above are female. I'd have to estimate that at least 75% of all these stair-standers are girls. I'm not making any sort of judgment here about the fairer sex in general, I'm just being respectfully observant of those guilty of such an offense. Likewise, I neither consider myself a racist any more than I consider myself a sexist. But, it's difficult not to notice the skin color of the people who are making my mornings, afternoons, and evenings miserably frustrating. What is it that has given you the idea that the middle of a narrow, high-traffic staircase in the busiest building on campus is the proper place to hold a conversation? Why, yap-yap-yappy sorority girls, do you have no manners at all? Why, unnecessarily loud and animated black girls, must you congregate in a busy public place? Please, take your business outside or just call your friends on the phone later in the day. Thank you.
Actually, I hate people who talk in the stairways as well. It's annoying and a fire hazard.

Hate For The Large

PJ of the United States Marine Corps
Fat bitch Fatima: These are the large ladies with egos the size of their gut. These bitches think they own the fucking world because they are approximately the size of it. Last night me and my friend were tasked to pick some bitch up because we were the only ones sober enough to drive and old enough to buy beer. We were promised it would be a short drive, but 45 minutes later we roll up on her doorstep and we see what looks like a beached whale laying on the drive way talking on a cell phone. She waddles down to the car and tells us that she changed her mind because she would rather hang out with her douchebag boyfriend. Ok so we don't need the fat bitch at the party anyway, we got plenty of blubber there already. But she doesn't think it's necessary to pay us for our gas and time because she's not going. She spends 15 minutes bitching and moaning with her chins wobbling the entire time and finally throws us 5 bucks and calls us assholes. Fat bitch, when I become dictator of America I will set up underground dungeons and imprison angsty emo kids, fat people, bums, teenagers and the spice girls. You will be the first in line because I fucking hate you!
This is the problem with men all across America: you hate the fat girls when you don;t need them to make you feel better about yourself.

Hate For Efficiency

Matt F. from Northeastern State University
I hate that rolly backpack person. Give me a fuckin break! A backpack with wheels, it takes more energy to pick the goddamn thing up and carry it up stairs than it would to just strap it on your back. Your always bumping the thing into walls, desks, chairs, and me! Quit being so FUCKING lazy! You can hear it coming from a mile away, Oh god forbid the teacher hears rolly backpack guy coming up the hall DON'T START CLASS UNTIL ROLLY BACKPACK GUY GETS HERE! Buy something with straps and carry it! ROLLY BACKPACK GUY...I HAATTEE YOU!!! GO TO HELL!
But how will Asain nerds transport their books without them?

Hate For Cool Profs

Mike H. from MN
I hate teachers that cancel an 8 AM class on days that a big paper is due, and do not send out an e-mail prior. I mean what kind of teacher, excuse me, human being doesn't think of the harm this could cause. We are all between the ages of 19 to 22 in the class, college students. Many of whom were most likely up all night finishing this damn paper, then when we drag ourselves out of bed and go to the room there is a note on the door that reads "Comp is cancelled today, please turn in your proposals to my office between 10 AM and noon." Now not only is this wrong because class is we were up at the ungodly hour of 7, but he wants us to come back at 10 to turn it in? This kind of thing must be stopped
There you go again, bitching when you should be dancing.

Hate For Naturalism

Patrick C. at UCSC
I Hate that old man in the locker room at my school that feels the need to walk around naked. First off, what the hell are you doing here. You aren't a professor, and you definitely aren't a student. You may have been at one point, when you got back from the Korean war. Why the hell are you here, and why the hell are you naked. But one old guy is never enough, there is always at least one or more, as if suddenly the school had opened up a shuffleboard court. And you two sit there, and shoot the shit, about this and that, without a care in the world, while your graying pubic hairs and shriveled up trouser snake are in plain view of the world Ok, so you come from a generation where men were not uncomfortable to be naked around each other, because there was no modesty, and it was not some bizarre homosexual thing to want to be naked in front of another man, but times have changed. I am comfortable changing in front of guys so long as I have a towel around my waist. I know that not a single person in the locker room cares to gaze upon my hairy ass, so I don't show it. And of course, as I wrap up my brief time in the locker room, you assholes are joined by a third, and you block my way to the exit, so that i have to close my eyes, and try and squeeze past you so that i am not forced to brush up against an flabby octogenarian ass. You guys are gross, your skin is sagging, you dick is shriveled, and you have excessive amounts of hair coming out your ears. Because of you assholes, I am ashamed to admit that i have seen more dicks than tits since I came to college. I didn't come here so see geriatric dicks. I fucking hate you!
Listen dude, if I can;t be myself in the locker room, then where can I be, huh?

Monday, January 30, 2006

Tony from Southwestern University

Why not hate? It is so much easier to hate the god-damn white, rich lazy shits here at this university than actually try to get to know them. I usually just glare till they look away as I brush them off the sidewalk. I also hate how there is this huge woman’s rights movement here on this mostly female campus, but every weekend a bunch of hos go around campus looking to mooch beer and a good time from some douchebag guy. I say FUCK YOU! I also hate the God-damn professors that say they are open to any opinion, but not to mine. Because I don’t believe in abortion, and that it is right for a woman to keep her ass home, serving her man like she is supposed to, I get shouted down in class. FUCK YOU TO!

Hate For Grammatical Laziness

Eric R. from Rice University

I fucking hate people who still do not know the difference between "your" and "you're." Now I can understand the occasional chance typo, but the people who continually refuse to expend the extra two keystrokes (or god help me, pen strokes - you really have no fucking excuse then) and instead wallow in the pools of idiocy frustrate me to no end. Is it really that hard to retain information you learned in third grade, in that very first lesson on how to use apostrophes? Or did you miss the next seven years of school, when they drilled it into your head so you wouldn't look like the lazy imbecile you became today? I know it's mighty confusing, since apostrophes can denote possession AND contractions, but you're just going to have to get those darned exceptions through your thick dumb head. How did you even get out of the grade school system? Did you just figure it was not information worth remembering, because really, how often does one use the second person? Well guess what asshole, you can't count on spellcheck forever, and when you get rejected for that job you really wanted, but you just confused those two little words on your cover letter, I'm going to be laughing. From my corner office. And don't even get me STARTED on those "where you at?" commericials. Boost Mobile, if you are really trying to increase your "street" image by continuing to abuse my ears with that god-awful phrase, I am going to personally cause you pain.


Hate For Wannabes

Anthony C. from Bloomsburd University

I cannot stand people who pretend to be drunk to be "cool". I can see right through you asshole! Nothing pisses me off more than hanging out at a party and seeing a fake drunk. You’re not cool just because you’re drunk. Especially when you drink two beers and your "gone". You can't be "gone" after two beers if you weigh 180 lbs shithead. You’re a disgrace to drunk college kids everywhere. If I could I would pecker-slap each and every one of you square in the face. Don't get me wrong. If girls want to pretend to get drunk so they have a valid excuse for hooking up with each other and taking off their clothes... that’s cool. But seriously if you’re not really drunk don't be a faggot. You know who you are and so does everyone around you. I categorize you along with the pink-shirt wearing, collar-poppin bitches. Yeah you stooped down to their gayness. I think that all these little butt-fuckers should be executed....ok maybe that’s a little harsh... but at least pecker-slapped by one of those monster cocks only seen on the internet. I think I'll end on that note......pecker-slapped by monster cocks...fake drunken bastards!

'Pecker-slapped by monster cocks'...classic.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Hate For Future Sister-In-Laws

Porcia from What Sounds Like Hell

I hate my boyfriend's sister. She is the epitome of what is wrong with this country today. This manipulative, self-serving, backstabbing, fat pothead whore has the audacity to think she's smarter than me. The bitch never finished the 5th grade!!!! She quit her job at the gas station and moved in with her mother because it was 'too stressful.' All this so that she could stay at home, smoke blunts and eat fried food all day, while nagging her cokehead baby's daddy and paying little to no attention to her 3 year old daughter, who should be in daycare somewhere. So lazy is this creature, that she turned down welfare assistance because they were going to make her get her GED!!! What the fuck!? To all fat, lazy whores who continue to push me into a higher tax bracket with their non-working asses, yet still think they're smarter than me because I have to work a job everyday and they don't....I HATE YOU!!!

Wow, I actually have nothing to say...she sounds lovely.

Hate For One-Uppers

Ryan from Elmira College

Your typical I know more and I can do everything better than you kid. This is the douche bag who will take everything you say or everything you said you did and tell us of he said it (or would have) or did it 10 times better. More commonly, his stories usually end in something along the lines of 'and I was so wasted too.' This is the person at the party you avoid standing in a circle with to tell of all your real escapades or sweet new jokes from collegehumor.

You damn right thems some sweet jokes on CH.

Hate For Feelings

Mike Z. from Tulane University

I fucking hate Emo kids. It's a whole culture of 14-year-old boys wishing they had the balls to end their miserable lives. They listen to all the same bands, but are almost as big of music-snobs as indie kids. No one reads your shitty livejournal entries, emo kid. No, I don't hear the innerards of your soul screaming in that song. No, I won't listen "Rip My Soul Apart" by Suffocate Me Dry, or even "Stabby Rip Stab Stab" by Blood Red Romance. They all do that shitty flip thing with their dyed black hair. Bleeding heart t-shirts of their favorite shitty bands. Black square- rimmed glasses. I know you're not actually a fan of anarchy, so stop wearing the fucking wristband, asshole. In a scene where the whole idea is defiance from the norm, all these fuckers look exactly alike. Grow up, emo kid. Hell, cheer up. If life sucks so much, end it. If you don't want to, stop fucking complaining.

If you'd only read my Xanga, you'd totally get why I cry/cut.

Hate For Immigrants


KC from Texas

I live in South Texas, I am surrounded by people who know English but speak Spanish and I fucking hate it. IF YOU KNOW ENGLISH, SPEAK IT!!! Please!! If you can order food, buy clothes, and go to school speaking fucking English, then speak it all the time!! Don't stand behind me in a store, a movie line, the grocery store, or wherever the fuck I am that day and speak Spanish. You know why it pisses me off? Because half the time I see either the bitchy looks from women or the dirty raunchy looks from the men when they're speaking... yes I'm a cute little white girl, no I don't like you, and yes I want you out of my way so shut the fuck up. If you're a bitch talking shit, say it in English bitch cause I will start a fight with you. And if you are dirty ass man speaking Spanish, one of these days someone is gonna know what you're saying and you're gonna get your ass beat. SO SPEAK ENGLISH YOU JACKASSES or GO HOME!!


Hate For Law Abiding Folks

Hank A. from Columbia University

Slow drivers piss me off more than anything else. I'm not one of those people that tears around the streets like my ass is on fire but holy shit, I'd like to get where I'm going eventually. I don't get it. What's the problem here? Did their car somehow come with peddles and they're too tired out from being such douchebags that they can't peddle any faster? And speaking of cars, why are slow fuckers always driving nice cars. Here's an idea: give me your Lexus and I'll let you drive my shit bucket, which is great at slow speeds. It's like these people come out for a Sunday drive 7 days a week and ALWAYS at rush hour. Only at rush hour. If you don't feel confident enough to drive, TAKE THE FUCKING BUS. i think my next car will be a bulldozer so I can shovel these inconsiderate assholes right off the road.

Bro, you live in New York...what do you need a car for?

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Hate For The Rude

Kristen J. from the Working World

As a former Upstate New Yorker living in DC, the one thing that bugs me more than the horrific traffic is the people that stand ON MY ASS waiting in line to pay at a store. Maybe it's a Yankee thing, but it seems to me that if that runny-nosed child in your arms is touching my scarf with his germy ass hands, you need to back. the. fuck. up. Don't you know how fucking rude this is? I HATE YOU!!

The only reason people stand so far apart in New York is because everyone is thinking the same thing: "Is this person going to rape me, kill me or rob me?"

Hate For Nostalgics

Chris from Syracuse

I would like to formally issue the label of cocksucker fuckbag to each of you lame ass motherfuckers who feel the need to give examples from your high school life every time a professor covers a new topic in class. Put your fucking fat arm down and just listen to the professor. I know your 18 years of sucking at life makes you the most educated motherfucker in the world and you plan on spreading your knowledge to each and every one of us. Here is a heads up, I don't fucking care... no one could give half a shit. My guess is that you spent your high school career getting beaten down by other people who hate you just like I do. I’m sure you spent your weekends getting assplowed by the swim team. I don't need to hear about your eating disorder, your friends eating disorder or any minute detail of your fucking waste that you call your life. I can only hope that the next time you raise your hand to speak, a fucking angry grenade-wielding midget crawls into your ass and ends the pain for all of us. I hate you, everyone else hates you and we all want you to either shut the fuck up or die. I even hate your parents for creating a child as fucking stupid as you. I can only hope your father’s dick gets mangled in a farming accident to secure the future of this planet from other dumb fucks like yourself being created. Here is a tip: just shut the fuck up and let the professor teach class. They know what they are doing. All I want is for you to shut your damn mouth and maybe we will get out of class 5 minutes early for once. Dick!

Normally I mock the haters, but in this case, I couldn'y agree more.

Hate For Perfection

Michael S. from the Working World

I hate those fucking grammar whores who correct me every time I say "Me and [insert name here] went to a party." By replying "You mean [insert name here] and I went to a party." No I fucking mean ME. I went to college to be an Engineer, not a finicky English teacher. I would right a longer rant on the subject. BUT I GOT SHIT TO DESIGN!!!!

Just think, as annoyed as you are by them, they are equally annoyed by you.

Hate For Fakers


Brian S. from Quinnipiac University

You know who I hate: People with handicap parking signs that don't need them. Have you ever gone to a Dunkin Donuts or a supermarket, and seen an old person getting out of a car in a handicap spot? She is standing up fine, picking up her 15 pound tote-bag like she is Hercules and walking like she's walking more gracefully than your 13 year old sister at ballet class? Bitch. She doesn't need a handicap parking sign for her car. People who deserve those can't walk, run, or knit at the speed of light like this granny could.

Reasons that people are getting these signs today: They are old, blind, fat.

Old: Okay, in my opinion, and hopefully the world's, there is no reason why old people should still be driving, let alone parking closer to my destination than me. Just because they are wise and have seen more of the horrors of life than me doesn't mean that they get to park their boat-like Cadillac (whose mirrors are never used when reversing) closer to the food court in the mall than me. They have had more cheeseburgers than me, I need to catch up by getting there before them (which I’ll probably do anyway because we all know that people with handicap stickers will fake being slow so as to retain the glorious piece of cardboard that hangs from their rearview).

Blind: What!!! Blind people driving? That is almost as fucked up as Bush being re-elected. Think about this, someone who is legally unable to see, has not only continued to carry a license around in their wallet, but gets to park in a blue-highlighted space that they will never know is any different than the others except for the fact that it is a shorter distance that they will have to feel out with their stick thing than I will have to walk.

Fat: Now this is ludicrous. I know Obesity is a problem in our country, but DMV or whoever you are that grants these signs, I say shame on you. You are promoting the fatness. Not only by giving them the sign are you rewarding them for having a couple more Crunch Wrap Supremes or Ho-Ho's, but you are preventing them from the one thing that might help them before they suffer from clogged arteries: the exercise it takes to walk from a farther parking spot outside BK to the line from which they will purchase their future death. Now I always get the,"I'm sorry, it's just gonna be a bit because we have to cook more fries," and I'm sick of it. If could just beat that fat man whose large van was parked horribly between a handicap spot and the holy grail of other spots then i would not have to wait for my craving to subside.

In summary, if you can walk (in any way shape or form for any period of time), have all of your extremities intact, and aren't in a wheelchair, then I say shame on you. For now, take the extra 15 seconds to get to your destination. Someday, your time will come when you get hit by a car or something and get one.

You pretend like it pisses you off, but if you could get one of those stickers you'd love it.

Hate For The Rude

Mauricio C. from the Working World

I used to love to go to the movies, not any more though. I grew more and more agitated of the assclowns who go to the movies and talk on the fucking phone half the movie. You godless bastards answer the phone and say "yeah, I watching a movie, what you doin'?" you cock smoking weasels, I want to take that stupid 3 dollar phone and stick it up your peehole, sideways. But the first warning that one of these shit stains are gonna start is when you hear that "popular song" that sounds bad as a ring tone and has been played out on the radio. And you go “SHIT, it begins” One of the reasons I don’t go to the movies that often, I just want to get up, go up to the cum belcher and take his cell phone and beat them to a coma with it. There should be an attendant with a paintball gun walking around and when one of these assholes starts yappin, the attendant will cap them right in the mouth. You are the reason I prefer to wait until it comes out on DVD. I fucking hate you.

Hate For The Savior

Grant N. from Colby College

I fucking despise the band U2. What worthless, souless, dickless rock and roll. Actually, calling U2 Rock and Roll is really stretching it. Bono can suck the fart out of my asshole. The guy has a ridiculous Christ complex, and his sunglasses make me want to drink strychnine. As for "The Edge," I hope one of those gnarled up old blues musicians he's trying to help in new Orleans eats his soul with some hoodoo voodoo. What the hell is naming yourself "The Edge" about, asshole? Are your squeaky clean pop songs edgy or something? That MUST be it, because you've used that stupid echoing arpeggio thing as the main riff for about 15 songs. it was so edgy that you decided to plagiarize yourself for the next twenty years. If you’re going to use the same riff in every song, at least have some fucking balls about it, like AC/DC or the Ramones. I pray every night that god would smite down these self-righteous hacks. Bono could really use a nice plague of locusts, or maybe just a good 'ol lightning bolt to the nuts. Man, I hate U2.

But who will feed the children when Bono has ascended to heaven?

Hate For Kids

Joe P. from the Working World

My pet peeve are the young girls who came through the line where I used to work, with blank eyes and no sense of humor; walking billfolds, bulging at the seams, with I.O.U.'s for heart and mind alike. I used to work at Starbucks at the Mall of America. It's the cathedral for America's religion of consumerism. And God help me if most of the people who came into my store weren't complete fucking retards. First off, YES, we have those "blended coffee thingys" and YES, you can get yours with "like, a ton of caramel." Second, you looked to be about 11 years old, yet are wearing nicer clothes than I, who works two jobs and wouldn't think of spending four dollars on a drink that consists of corn syrup and sugar, made with pure hate. Third, how DUMB are you to actually pay for this crap? I wouldn't pay FOUR DOLLARS for this unless I had a gun to my back, which, come to think of it, I do anyway. If you want to be treated like a grown-up, get some tea. Or, better yet, start drinking black coffee. And smoking Camel Non-Filtered. And get a job at a bus depot, or better yet, a taxi garage, scraping cum off the back seats. And THEN, MAYBE THEN, I'll treat you like a fucking adult. Do you want to know what you are? You are a walking, talking doll, and accessory for your parents to dress up and discipline. I find it hard to believe that you'll one day be recognized as a functioning adult capable of breeding and (God forbid) voting. This explains why Bush got a second term, and it also explains why I FUCKING HATE YOU.

You're going to be a great dad someday.

Hate For The Fairer Sex

Jay C. from University of Illinois at Chicago

I fucking hate college girls. Yeah that’s right. I often hear college girls complain that their male colleagues are afraid to commit to a relationship. Believe me, it’s not because we don’t want a constant source of sex. It’s more due to the options presented to us within these years. Most girls tend to fit the following schematics:

1. Ms. Too Comfortable With Men

These are usually the females that large groups of guys choose to befriend. They are generally good people. In fact, they are downright kick-ass. She may even be cute. However, they are not the girls to date. She enjoys raunchy talks about sex. After you’re done talking about that one time you fucked that fat girl in your Anthro class just to see if the cushin’ was worth pushin’, she might talk about her sex life. Do I care if you fucked some dude in Stake n’ Shake? This obviously is something that no strait man cares or wants to know. I’m more entertained by the thought that idle married life is spent with receiving non-stop oral sex. Not dick and fart jokes.

2. Ms. I’m Fucking Insane

Oh dear, we all know a few of these. Chances are she is convinced she lives on the set of a romantic comedy, and doesn’t understand why her Richard Gears keeps running away every time she reveals she was at one time a prostitute. She is not fazed by chasing after him. In fact, some professionals argue that they survive solely on the fear of their prey. Their presence on this planet might have actually slowed down the population rate. Why is this, you may ask? Simply put, they are fucking insane, and they show it. Nobody should to reproduce with them. There is always the chance that Lucifer might emerge from her vagina nine months after you got drunk and decided that the thirtieth time she called you wasn’t nearly as creepy as the twenty-ninth. They should all be sent into orbit with a dildo and a month’s supply of Ben and Jerry’s. Sorry. I get a little emotional about these girls. Is it not sad when you cannot sleep comfortably without a wooden stake and necklace of garlic? Welcome to my first semester of sophomore year.

Why even complain about it? You're never going to find a sane one.

Hate For Sloppy Spellers

Adam L. from University of Alabama

I'm sure all of you went through grammar school because you own computers and are reading this article (therefore you not only have the money to go to school, but also can read) yet feel like posting obviously wrong grammatical statements. In the last hate message someone spelled congratulations with a d as it is often done, this wouldn't have been such a problem had it not been FUCKING HIGHLIGHTED. Obviously those ALL CAPS words are more BLATANTLY OBVIOUS than anything else, so if you're going to capitalize something then spell it correctly. Also, people who incorrectly use words that do not have adj. next to them in the dictionary (if they are even in the dictionary) as adjectives. For instance on facebook many of you have seen the typical "I'm a chill person who just likes to relax to my chill jamband music while drinking my chilled o'douls non-alcoholic beers" only one instance of that word is correctly used and every instance of that quote on facebook is from a person who would drink that beverage. Shady is also another word I feel is overly misused by the masses. "Why you actin so shady lately", wrong, "the person who robbed me at gunpoint seemed like a shady character from the get-go", correct. To all of you who these English infractions apply to, stop watching VH1's Flava Flave special and lean to speak CORRECT FUCKING ENGLISH.

I feel like I'm partly responsible for all of this and I'm sorry.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Hate For Sexiness

Dan L. from University Albany

I'm sure I don't stand alone when I say how much I hate the complete homosexuals who feel the need to post 1 or more pictures of themselves shirt free on facebook. Granted facebook is a complete waste of time and nothing more than legal internet stalking of some hot freshman girls that you can "poke"(not saying I am not a member), I stil feel you have a responsibility to not be a complete douche bag. Is it a complete necessity to show the entire student population on your campus that you go to the gym 6 times a week to "get cut". One of the few (and by few I mean few only relating to this subject) other things that annoys me worse than that picture of you at the beach sans your shirt, is the one of you in your dorm room with your camera on a 10 second timer flexing. Everybody knows that you would have no friends, except maybe ones as gay as you, that would take a picture of you flexing and not think you were a complete tool. So CONGRADULATIONS you are muscular and the entire facebook community knows and probably respects you alot less for blatantly showing them, granted you could maybe kick my ass that does not change the fact that you think you are cool because you have muscles and feel the need to show the world via facebook and/or your overly tight AX shirt that you wear to the crappy bars around your college.

If flexing and being jacked is wrong, then I'm about as right as it gets.

Hate For Style

David V. from Texas A&M

I hate all the idiots in movies who try to look like badasses by wearing sunglasses inside or at night. OK we get it your cool, you have a sword/shotgun/etc. and you like to kill shit. Theres no fucking reason for your dumbass to be wearing sunglasses at night or inside. It makes you look like a douchebag. The most notable example that I can think of is the "badass" in Scarface that gives Al Pacino a shotgun to the back. At night, WITH SUNGLASSES ON. No wonder he has to shoot him in the back like a pussy. He probably spent 5 minutes trying to see who he was looking at through those dark lenses. Take off the sunglasses you douchebag!!

Shooting someone in the back is the smart man's way to assassinate.